Feeling barely alive
Foggy, sleep deprived
Older one wouldn’t go down
Over an hour lying on the ground
Now there are sudden midnight awakenings
From uncomfortable tummy grumblings
Feeling pretty lousy
Fielding a pass from mummy
Trying all sorts of tricks
Quick! PLEASE.
Get to the one where sleep sticks
Rest is a distant memory
A good night is one where wee doesn’t end up on me
Not trying to rush to the end
But it sure would be nice to sleep through the night again.
When you were little
You woke so much through the night
It was almost like
you knew you had only just made it into the universe
and needed to keep checking that we were there
that you were really here in the world with us
So many midnights transitioned into dawn
Dozy and dazed from the day you were born
Cozy and cloudy in our pillowy room
Seeking comfort in mummy’s cuddles and croons
In a blink of an eye it would all be over soon…
These days you climb yourself into your bed
With many “I love you” whispers
and kisses laid on your head
I hold your hand gently as you drift off to sleep,
all through the night without even a peep.
Maybe now you trust
that we’ll be there when you awaken,
that we won’t ever leave you behind.
Now I’m not sure what comes next
but please,
do take your time.
Click.
The white noise machine’s steady stream is silenced
Little footsteps pad onto the floorboards
Our bedroom door groans as it opens inwards
Bedsheets ruffle as a creature climbs up and crawls onto the bed
Plops himself down right between our heads
And then it’s quiet in the darkness once again
Just gentle breathing, out and in.
It must be fun
Growing up Greek and Malaysian
Still too young
to get caught up in confusion
My little Australasian.
What an explosion of flavour!
So many smells to savour
Hainan chicken rice, nasi lemak, roti, various noodles in plates and bowls
Yemista, feta, haloumi, spanakorizo and pastitsios
Gold vasalopita coins bring luck in the new year
Dancing lions usher more in also at the…start of the new year?
Blessings with “tusso”‘s and “hronia polla”,
But also with “ong lai” and vigorous “huat ah!”‘s
Greetings with “yassou”, “ne, agori mou”,
Thoughtful inquiries; “ciak pa le?” or simply, “ho, bo?”
Some mornings begin with “bangun pagi, gosok gigi”
Brushing alongside dad, just like so
Some evenings end wriggling with glee,
Pappoú tickling and singing “páei lagós na piei neró”
I really hope it isn’t all too much
Other times instead I feel so out of touch
Do I know and will I pass down enough?
Then I hear that beautiful laugh.
Which swings me back to reality
With a little more clarity
Proud of your multi-dimensional identity!
East and West
Neither is best
We’re just so blessed
Two ancient, powerful pillars
On which your balancing beam rests.
The End of a Day Spent With My 3-Year Old
I’m squatting on a step stool in the dark, my bum going numb
Next to my son comfortably tucked in, taking his time to succumb
My hands keep my head from rolling off onto the floor
Just biding the right moment to make for the door
My brain is failing and my back is so sore
I’ve lost count of my coffees since the first one at four
This afternoon at the beach you lost your shoe
When while showering you threw it as I was telling you not to
My patience has been thusly tested I don’t know how many times
I don’t know how I’ve managed to not lose my mind
I don’t think I had ever imagined feeling this fried
Don’t think I could become more tired if I tried
I’m just so ready now to collapse into bed
It’s a whole new meaning now, to feel exhausted
This time tomorrow will probably be the same
The crazy thing is,
I gladly do it all over again.
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Poems for My Sons 